MATTERS OF THE HEART: SELF CARE

Self-care is such an important topic to me and it’s something I realized the value of as I left my teenage years. The biggest thing I learnt was that those good and bad experiences that you go through in life are so valuable, and regardless of how good or bad the experience was, in my heart it was always ‘Alhamdulilah’. Those experiences teach you so much, they teach you about life, they teach you about people and they teach you about yourself. In a world that tells us we need to be a certain way, with how much social media affects our daily lives, it constantly feeds us this idea that we should aspire for this life of perfection. Instagram is the guiltiest form of this. Now I’m not saying it’s wrong to show our travels or the things we do, (My favourite speaker Yasmin Mogahed would probably disagree because she detests this unnecessary exposure of your life on social media- which I can somewhat understand and agree with.)

However we all do love posting things that make us happy. BUT… it’s about the perception our minds have. The way we see things needs to change because once you start dwelling upon what you don’t have. That’s when you feel empty and you subconsciously start making your life about attaining a materialistic way of life, with spiritual deficits. Martina J Willis described it so beautifully in her Sunday Spills; “We have become so used to seeing the end result of people winning materialistically that we have no idea that winning spiritually precedes it.” I’m not saying we consciously choose to get wrapped up in the materialistic pleasures of life but we can become distracted in that. I feel I’m guilty of this. That’s when it becomes a contributing factor towards diminishing your own self-care.

It becomes a negative effect on your own spiritual being and then you find shortcomings in your own life and inside it makes you unhappy. There’s a reason why Islam so beautifully describes what this world can do to us. The Prophet ﷺ (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “This world is a prison for the believer and a paradise for the disbeliever” (Sahih Muslim). Understanding the context of this is what allows us to realize we need to change our mindsets. We need to understand how significantly this affects our spiritual beings as a negative attribute. We need to understand the art of self-care.

Self-care starts with Alhamdulilah. The biggest form of that is the remembrance of Allah (SWT).

I’ve read a lot of posts from bloggers, which touch upon self-care, and I can understand and agree with the relevant points that are made, which allow us to improve our self-care, but I’ve never been able to actually relate to that on a spiritual level. Yes I think it’s beautiful to write down things we love about ourselves and try exercises, which give us this sense of positivity. But self-care is so much deeper than that. Its not about outward self-care, its about the internal state of the heart. I’m going to touch upon what Self-care means to me, including the different ways we can practice good self-care.

My definition of self-care is the understanding of the spiritual state of the heart. It is about making the most necessary and positive changes in your life, which gives you peace in your heart, mind and soul. It is seeking remedy from the things that have made us sad and lost inside. Ultimately that remedy is Allah (SWT). It is about turning to Him.

How can we practice good self-care?

1. Remembrance of Allah (SWT)

Yes it is easier said that done. But turning to Him, is the truest, most beautiful and fulfilling remedy for our souls. It is the overall and best way to understand what self-care is. Yasmin Mogahed described this in such a beautiful way that changed my entire perspective. She said ‘The remembrance of Allah (SWT) is like oxygen for the heart”. This analogy tells us that without oxygen the heart dies and this essentially makes you realize that without the remembrance of Allah your heart is empty and only dead inside. Choosing to fill your heart with something other than Allah (i.e. the materialistic matters of this life), that will be the cause of your greatest pain. This is a contributing factor towards sadness and negativity. Just the remembrance of Him can fill our hearts with ease. Can you even understand how beautiful that is?

In the end our hearts only yearn to become one with our lord.

2. The Sweetness of Salah (With that comes Imaan)

Why does it take hardship for us to turn to Him? Why does it take the death of our loved ones for us to turn to our Salah?

Anybody that says they haven’t felt a connection in their Salah might have a mind filled with worldly distractions or they haven’t tried hard enough. I use to struggle feeling a connection in prayer (and sometimes I still do- that will always be a constant battle with shaytaan) until I really applied myself and learnt what the Salah actually means and I read its translation. I realized that I had to completely empty my mind from the worries of this life. It was a reminder that just because I couldn’t see Him, it didn’t mean He wasn’t there listening to my every thought and my every cry. Allah (SWT) can hear our hearts, even in silence. When you remind yourself that He is your friend, your confident in every thought, struggle and hardship in this life. That’s when you see your relationship with your creator transform. What is more beautiful than telling your lord the love you have for Him? That is the purest and sincerest form of imaan. Spiritually to feel your heart elevate towards Him, that’s something we can only aspire to reach.

3. Knowledge is Power.

How many times have we read a quote on Instagram or Facebook that has uplifted our spirits? Imagine how uplifted we would feel if we took time to increase our knowledge by researching more on the translation of the Qur’an for instance. How many of us actually taken that time out to do this? (I feel so guilty of this) Yes it sounds quite obvious to say go and read the translation. But putting our actions into context and trying to understand the words of Allah. It’s so simple to say ‘Read Qur’an’, it will help you. I heard that a lot as I was growing up. But to sit down, and actually understand what that means is truly profound. I feel like my knowledge is so minimal and I feel ashamed at times not knowing enough. It’s only when I find myself wanting to know more about my faith that my love grows. How much do we really know? There is no limit when it comes to seeking knowledge that will bring us closer to Him.

4. Eradicate ALL negativity from your life

When I say this, I mean anything or anyone that brings about negativity in your life or anybody that takes you away from the love of Allah (SWT), you need to get rid of them. It sounds harsh, but I take that from personal experiences. It wasn’t necessarily people who took me away from Allah. But I realized that you don’t need to have loads of people in your life to feel fulfilled. You could be alone but as long as you have Allah (SWT), then you have everything. Its about having contentment even when you have nothing. It brings about so much peace and tranquility in your heart. To create these expectations from people and from materialistic things is what causes sadness in our hearts. It’s the ability to not expect things from anybody because in the end we can only truly be dependent on Allah (SWT). It’s about taking away those expectations you have placed on this worldly life and choosing to give your heart to the Allah (SWT), because He will never disappoint you.

5. Give Kindness, even if you did not receive this.

The world is becoming such a diluted place and kindness is a quality that is lost. It’s a bitter taste when you give so much and don’t get anything in return. But does that mean we stop giving? Don’t let the bitterness of this life make you bitter. Be good even if you did not receive good. The Prophet ﷺ (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) was the most beautiful example of this and treated even his worst enemies with forgiveness and mercy.

Yes look out for yourself, but be the best version of yourself and trust in Allah (SWT). It’s more peaceful to the heart to forgive than to dwell in anger and sadness.

6. Invest in Yourself

Spend your time productively and try to attain those goals that you’ve been putting off for so long. Procrastination can be our biggest enemy at times. But tell yourself that you’re going to overcome those obstacles. Often doubt creates more harm than good. Create a positive mindset and tell yourself that you can achieve anything that you set your heart on. I decided to do this recently, by waking up two hours earlier. I decided to spend my early morning in Costa with my laptop before I headed to work and I decided I was going to be productive and set myself goals and actually do something to achieve them. It was one of the best days I’ve had and it gave me such happiness in my heart. Giving yourself that time alone to sit down and say to yourself this is what I’m going to do and then setting yourself out to achieve it is such a great feeling. Once you start making these small steps towards big things you feel refreshed and your outlook on how you see your life slowly starts to change.

7. Conquer All

Once you have conquered all these small things, only then will you feel a light in your heart and then you’ll feel inspired to try all of these self-care exercises by writing self-care journals, bullet journals, mind-relieving exercises, going to the gym, eating better. It’s about making those necessary changes to get yourself into a healthier place. A place you feel at home, a place where self-doubt, uncertainty and negativity no longer exist. It’s incredible what we can set ourselves out to achieve when we take care of what’s most important and that is the condition of our heart.

I hope that you’ve found my self-care pointers somewhat useful and beneficial. Again I’m no scholar or expert on these topics, these are my personal experiences and my opinions and if they benefit you then that’s great. But I’m always happy to hear your views on things. Feel free to leave a comment below and let me know what you think of what self-care means to you.

Zara x